We All Have That Crazy Uncle - Script Based on Phrases Heard

We all have that crazy uncle

Two Teenage boys Enter to see uncle looking at his reflection in a picture frame’s glass with a sense of pride

Uncle: I won a moustache contest

He says while fixing his moustache

Teenage Boy: What?

They walk over to the kitchen counter and the first boy turns to the uncle

Uncle: You guys are now looking at an award winning moustache

Turns around to model with his hands drawing focus to the moustache

Other Teenage Boy: Oh great here we go again

Rolls eyes

Teenage Boy: Well what’d you win for it?

Uncle: Either a year supply of moustache wax or $1,000 dollars.

Hands lower

Teenage Boy: So what’d you choose?

Uncle: The year supply of moustache wax of course.

Walks to the other side of the room

Teenage Boy: Couldn’t you have made more money by

Uncle: Bud don’t you question my motives, this here is an award winning moustache, and you sir a) are just jealous, and b) are so stupid, you couldn’t poor water out of a boot if the instructions were written on the heel in the first place.

Teenage Boy: That doesn’t even make sense

Puzzled look

Other Teenage Boy: That’s his mutant power

Whisper

Teenage Boy: Uh huh

Said as uncle picks up box

Uncle: Why the hell is it ages 8+ for this Ouija board anyways, I have to be 21 before I can drink alcohol but I only have to be 8 to summon a demon, where’s the sense?

Shakes his head

Other Teenage Boy: He does have a point there

Boy 1 turns to him

Teenage Boy: Shut up

Phrases

You’re so stupid, you couldn’t poor water out of a boot if the instructions were written on the heel.

It’s hotter than 2 rats making love in a wool sock, behind a dryer, in the middle of June, on top of a volcano

That dog don’t hunt

Cry me a table

My uncle won a moustache contest

The recommended age for a Oiji board is 8+

So you’re telling me that I have to be 21 to drink alcohol but only 8 to summon a demon, right…

That’s his mutant power